Nobody is honest. Well, that's not true I'm sure. Everybody is so afraid to be honest that they're not. Time wasted. I don't have a lot of free time so this is irritating.
Everyone is a disappointment. I've already experienced multitudes of disappointment in the relationship area, and I don't want to be disappointed anymore. Which leads me to my title. Do you ever notice how the fantasy of something is better...so much better, usually, than the reality of it? I can think of just about any situation that has come up in my life and this generally applies. Most of the time, anyway.
It just makes me wonder why do I bother putting myself out there. I love meeting people and talking to them but when it comes to any thing more, I'm completely disinterested. It's like a switch that gets turned off immediately when serious interest is shown. Maybe it's just because of where I am in my life. Maybe it's because I was burned. Very badly. I think my biggest fear is rushing into another relationship which will end in another disaster. So, to counter that, I tell myself that that likely would not happen again because I am not the same person. I fear being involved with someone and thinking I know who they truly are only to find out that they are so completely the opposite of what I thought they were... again. Ugh, just the thought makes me feel sick.
I settled once, because I was lonely and scared of never having another opportunity to get married and have children. I won't do that again. I don't want to be married again, honestly. I'm also incredibly picky. It's not just me, but it's my kids too. I wish all people took the same considerations I do instead of just shacking up with whatever desperate trash will have them.
I decided that the literary man of my dreams will have to do for now. He's so much better than any reality out there. And I don't have to share the bed.
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